What do you do when you are the person standing in your way? How do you deal with sabotaging your own goals and dreams?
My guess is that you might complain. Not about yourself, your procrastination, fears, excuses, or distractions, but about other people and circumstances. My guess is that like me, you’ve been there too. In a place of frustration and exhaustion and all you could muster to do is blame someone else…for your situation.
I’ve was in that place a few months ago. I was feeling overwhelmed by life, annoyed by people, and needed an outlet for my emotions. So, I decided to complain. Not just any type of complaining, but that good old-fashioned, long-drawn-out whining that only stress can unleash.
My husband was in earshot so he got the displeasure of hearing my rant of dissatisfaction.
It started with a few feelings being expressed. Those few feelings led me down a rabbit hole of reasons why I wasn’t progressing toward my business and personal goals. That rabbit hole was deep, dark, and hard to find my way out of. It was unpleasant for me, and for my husband that had to experience me in it.
My complaints targeted all the reasons I wasn’t getting results. At the time, the list seemed pretty valid.
- If I had more help with chores around the house, I would have more time.
- If I had more time to rest, my creativity would be better.
- If I had a better microphone, I wouldn’t be so stressed about editing my podcast.
- If my office was organized, painted, and had better decor, my productivity would improve.
- If I wasn’t so busy at work, I would have more time to complete my goals.
On and on the excuses went until…at the conclusion of my “if statements” my husband made a short but powerful statement that stopped me in my “if-ing” tracks.
He said, ever so matter of factly, ” You are using me, other people, and things as an excuse for YOUR DECISION to neglect YOUR DREAMS.”
How many of you know that shook all the “if-ing” right out of me? He was ABSOLUTELY RIGHT! I was blaming other people and things for neglecting my dreams. I made up reasons for my lack of progress so that I didn’t have to face the reality of one powerful truth. I am the gatekeeper of my dreams. I am the engine that determines whether my dreams stall or succeed. I am the one who determines if my dreams thrive or die.
I had no witty comeback for my husband. All I had was clarity about how I had been the boulder in my path to success. I was the obstacle and the quicksand that had me stuck. Not chores, not my job, not my parental duties, not my circumstances. IT WAS AND IS ALL ME!
My husband put the mirror of truth right in front of my face. Guess who I saw standing between me and my dream? I saw me, my attitude, perceptions, and my mindset. Not other people. Not the pandemic. Not my decor-less office. IT…WAS…ME!
That loving statement gut-punched me in a good way. Needless to say, I shut up, climbed out of that rabbit hole, and started executing instead of excusing.
What do you do when you are standing in your own way? Do you complain or do you change?
I decided to change and here are three areas that I focused on to get out of my own way:
1 | Focus on what you can do, versus what other people aren’t doing. You can’t change other people, but you can change yourself. You can change how you proceed, how you think, feel, and behave in any given situation. Shift the energy of blame toward the pursuit of change. Not the change of other people, but what you can improve about yourself.
2 | Focus on progress instead of perfection. Each and every day, pick something related to your goals for your life, career, or relationships, and make progress. Do one thing that you didn’t do yesterday that would be considered a win. Once completed, celebrate, and acknowledge that you’re making progress instead of moving quickly to the next thing. and move on to the next thing that will support your decision be better in the area that’s most important to you. Don’t get stuck on having everything all together. focus on being better. Focus on the baby steps of progress.
3 | When you are tired, rest. Overwhelmed emotions are a sign that rest is needed. It’s a sign that you need to take a break and renew your mind, body, or emotions. Taking a break is not a sign of laziness. It’s a sign of maturity and wisdom. It’s a sign that you understand the meaning of your mental, emotional, and physical red flags. The purpose of feeling overwhelmed and elevated stress is to get you to rest. Don’t ignore it. honor it.
4 | Stop comparing yourself to other people. Focus on your divine mission and embrace the beauty of your “different.” Be bold and brilliant as you embrace how you talk, walk, look, and your unique life experience. No one can beat you at being you and once you release the burden and hindrance of imitation, that’s when you’ll bloom.
Are you ready to get out of your own way and let your purpose lead the way?
I know I am. I’m tired of being led by worldly expectations and distractions. I’m tired of allowing fear, worry, and uncertainty to rule my reactions. I am ready to live and lead with my power and purpose. I am ready to step over the stumbling blocks of excuses and live in that thriving space of being HER (Healthy-Empowered-Resilient).
If you are ready to work toward getting out of your own way, enroll in the first Live Like HER Workshop for 2021, “Self-Care For Busy Women.” Register below and join me and other powerful women as we grow in community and self-care.